The Giving and Recieving of Gifts

Emerson would not, I'm sure, approve of how we give gifts in modern society.  He believes that they should be given with no further expectations, kind of an... "out of the goodness of your heart" sort of thing.  We should give with indifference.  He also believes that gifts should be something of our own hand, not something bought at a store; "The poet brings his poem; the shepherd, his lamb; the farmer, corn; the miner, a gem; the sailor, coral and shells; the painter, his picture; the girl, a handkerchief of her own sewing."  We should also give gifts that are a necessity of the receiver; in his mind, we shouldn't give a starving man a set of Legos when we could just as well get him a Supersized meal at Mickey D's.

       Gifts, according to Emerson, should be received with a mild amount of gratitude.  If we thank the giver too much or give him too much credit for his gift, then his gift will not be given correctly. We are not to "Flatter our benefactors."  We, also, then, are allowing for our independence to be stolen away from us.  The giver would see how pleased we are with a gift, should we be pleased with it at all, and would then feel the need to continue providing, unnecessarily.  We cannot feel as though we have been stripped of our independence when receiving a gift.  We know that we could have provided for ourselves but we are gracious enough, rather than upset, that another person has done it for us.  If we dislike the gift, we are to act the same.  We cannot show nor feel any discontent or else "the debtor naturally wishes to give you a slap."

He offers social commentary on independence versus dependence.  Emerson says that we all wish to be independent and that we want to provide for ourselves, but that there is an inevitable "universal dependence" in society.  And, okay, while we may feel degraded by living off of another's donations, we also have to realize that we're not all cut out for cow slaughtering in order to provide dinner, or we don't all have these incredible heart surgeon abilities.  And for those of us who do, well I'm sure I could find something that you're not a pro at, unless your da Vinci, and even the ultimate Renaissance man had his weaknesses.   Independence, as you'll see as you continue reading to Self-Reliance, is a very important thing for individual people.  But I don't think that our community as a whole would benefit all that much from a bunch of super-human crazies who think they can do everything for themselves.  This is why we give gifts.  And this is where I come to a crossroads with Emerson.  I can't say that I have a friend who can really sew me a pair of jeans from scratch or create and then put together an iPod.  I don't think that buying a gift is insincere.  I guess it shows more devotion to a person if you take the time to create a gift out of thin air for that person, but I think it would be moderately insane for me to expect every one of my friends to hand-craft a gift for me for the holidays.  I think that people can buy gifts that are, in a way, "a portion of thyself."  And since I've gotten a bit off topic, I can explain two gifts: one that fits Emerson's ideal gift, and then one that fits my own.

One of my best friend's names is Olivia.  My fourteenth birthday was the first birthday since we'd become friends that she hadn't spent the night at my house with me.  She called me first thing, of course, and sang the birthday song for me and told me that she'd come over another day to celebrate with me.  Later that night, I came home from dinner with my family to find a bunch of sunflowers, my favorite flower, sitting next to a box of See's Candy chocolates, and she knew my favorites.  Sitting there was also a card, with a big, long note written to me, that I still have somewhere in my room, I think.  It put the biggest smile on my face, I remember (and she's not a florist, a chocolateer, nor a Hallmark employee, by the way).  I went up to my room, arms full, and opened the door to my room.  And she was sitting on my bed with a photo album in her arms.  It was the greatest surprise, just to see her there.  But then the Emersonian gift was to go through all of our memories, sitting there together laughing... there was a letter of the alphabet dedicated to every page, which led into a myriad of inside jokes and photographs and ticket stubs and other crazy memorabilia.  I will never forget that and I don't think she did it expecting gratitude.  It wasn't engraved in gold or anything, though it meant that much to me.  Sorry if this is all super corny, but maybe you know how I felt. :-)  I definitely still have that.

 

   Now, the kind of gift that fits my own personal description, as I made clear earlier, was given to me as a batmitzvah gift.  A batmitzvah is basically a coming of age, congrats! you're an adult now! kind of thing that Jewish kids go through when they turn thirteen.  So, I was thirteen.  I got hundreds and checks made out directly to me and gift cards to every place imaginable from Jamba Juice to Saks Fifth Avenue to Barnes and Nob

le.  But my favorite gift was one that I was already wearing around my neck.  My parents have these friends, Paul and Betty.  They lived in France with them for a year, right out of college, and then were a part of their daughter, Laura's life until I was born.  We were all very close knit- most of my earliest memories are times spent with them- and it was always so sad when they had to leave San Diego to go back to Canada (or vice versa).  They came to spend the week before my batmitzvah with my family as well, and during that week, Betty gave me her gift.  She handed me this small box when 

we were sitting by ourselves in the dining room drinking tea and talking while Laura and Alex, their daughters, and my brothers were finishing the cookies or... biscotti, maybe it was, in the kitchen.  She told me I could open the box and I did and it was a simple, pretty gold necklace chain with a deep gold Torah charm on the end.  I leaned over and gave her a hug and thanked her for the nice gift and took it out of the box and put it on myself.  She smiled at me and, I think these were her exact words, said, "Look how pretty it looks on you.  That is my mother's charm from when she was batmitzvahed.  It was mine after I was batmitzvahed.  And now it's yours."  Now, the woman is barely five feet tall and I was a good 5'8" at the time and I just crushed her in a huge hug.  I'm not sure if she could breathe or not.  I just didn't know how else to convey how much that meant to me, that she was trusting me with this Moroccan gold family heirloom, if you will.  She is Moroccan but she is definitely not a jeweler.  Nevertheless, sorry Emerson, but it was the greatest gift I've ever gotten.  Ever.  And it's gonna be pretty hard to top.

ps.  sorry for the awkward placement of the necklace in that picture... but it is there and that's the best picture i could find on such short notice.